Sun 6th March

I'm going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson.

Not quite sure which race yet.

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An elephant, an ostrich and a crocodile stop a fella in the street.
The crocodile pulls out a police badge and says, "We have reason to believe you are carrying substances of an hallucinogenic nature, Sir."

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I like going bowling; I always make my name '3 Testicles' on the board.

That way the TV occasionaly says "Congratulations 3 Testicles! You got a spare."
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The wife was having a go at me. "Life's just one big joke to you isn't it".

"I don't know what you mean. Sit down darling and let's talk about it".

That's when I pulled her chair away.

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"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" quickly became a feminist anthem for women.

Probably because it's really upbeat and fun to do the vacuuming to.

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My girlfriend is a feminist.

Which basically means she finds sexist jokes utterly abhorrent until one is made about men.

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Just had a water fight over in the park with a bunch of local kids.

I won!

No one's a match for me and my kettle.

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My ex-girlfriend could not take criticism.

At least, that was the basic theme of her suicide note.

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I said to my girlfriend, "Now remember, my mother is very old, so speak nice and slow and very loud."

Then I said to my perfectly capable mother, "By the way, my girlfriend is slightly retarded."

What fun that was...