nu gags 23 Jan

Want to know what really floats my boat?

Archimedes' Principle of Relative Buoyancy.
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I put some vodka in my dog's water last night to get him pissed.

But my plan backfired when he couldn't get an erection.
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I'd like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought:

"Those bastards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."
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As I looked down at my son in his coffin, I thought, 'Why can't the little Emo cunt sleep in a bed like normal teenagers?'

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I got home from the pub last night and my wife said, "I can't believe how intoxicated you are."

Denying it I said, "I'm not drunk."

She said, "Yes you are."

I said, "No I'm fucking not."

She said, "Can you tell the time?"

I walked up to the clock and said, "I'm not fucking drunk"