Want to know what really floats my boat?
Archimedes' Principle of Relative Buoyancy.
I put some vodka in my dog's water last night to get him pissed.
But my plan backfired when he couldn't get an erection.
I'd like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought:
"Those bastards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."
As I looked down at my son in his coffin, I thought, 'Why can't the little Emo cunt sleep in a bed like normal teenagers?'
I got home from the pub last night and my wife said, "I can't believe how intoxicated you are."
Denying it I said, "I'm not drunk."
She said, "Yes you are."
I said, "No I'm fucking not."
She said, "Can you tell the time?"
I walked up to the clock and said, "I'm not fucking drunk"