these are todays - enjoy!

I think that I should be awarded extra marks for avoiding the question in my Politics essay.

I mean, that's how the professionals do it.
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I lost my job today because I said the office is full of cunts.

Bit of an overreaction to my opinion about a TV programme I think.
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My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name.

I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"
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I have blue eyes. I got them from my father.
My mother has black eyes. She also got them from my father.
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Little Johnny got kicked out of class today! The teacher asked him, "If I gave you £20 and you paid £5 to Joanne, £5 to Jane and £5 to Katie, what would you have?"
Apparently, "Three blowjobs and enough left for a big mac," was the wrong answer.

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My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it's either her or the internet.

So sadly, this will be my last joke..... in which I talk about having a wife.