new month, new jokes!

Bloke goes into a bar and shouts "You lot over there are a bunch of bastards! And you you lot over there are a bunch of cunts!"
A massive bloke gets up and says "Hey mate I aint a fuckin bastard!"
So the fella says "Well get over there with the cunts then"
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Went to the Apple store and saw they had a sign in the window: "Apply within."

Well, what the fuck else is it going to be inside? Orangy?
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What lies on the ground 100ft in the air?

A dead Centipede.
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I have been pooping in a big box outside my bedroom for the last couple of weeks.

Felt it was time I got my shit together.
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If you get an email or text about catching swine flu from tinned pork - ignore it. Its just spam.
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My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo. =======
Do dyslexic men like their ducks sicked, or would they prefer to cook socks?