Friday, 11 February 2011

11 Febz lulz

After a night out, I dropped the wife off and drove the babysitter home.

As we pulled up outside her house, I turned to thank her and noticed she was struggling to find the door handle.

I stretched across, my arm softly brushing against her breast.

"Oh, sorry about that," I said apologetically.

"That's Ok," she replied, with a certain glint in her eye, "I liked it."

I thought to myself, "Fuck, she's up for it, do I take a chance?"

As I nervously moved forward to kiss her, she slowly closed her eyes and opened her mouth, our tongues met. I slipped my hand up her skirt and before I knew it, we'd had the most mind-blowing sex in the car.

After, I breathlessly said,"Thanks mum, same time next week, yeah?" 
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Boy: Hi
Girl: What?
Boy: How are you?
Girl: Do I know you?
Boy: I'm rich
Girl: Hi, I am Emma I'm 20 nice to meet you!
Boy: No no, "Rich" is my name
Girl: Sorry I don't talk to people I don't know.
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My wife asked me for some money for a new outfit for a night out with the girls.
"Fuck off, I give you enough money."
"Are you scared I might look nice and run away forever with a fella I might meet?"
"Here's my credit card, go fucking mental."
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I got sent out of class today at school.
The teacher yelled at me, "What would your parents say if I called them!?'
I replied, "Hello?"
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I've just finished building Rome with my kid's Lego.

Took me a day.
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I've been wrongly accused of sexual harassment in the workplace, the complainant stating my 'hand brushed against her buttocks'.

I utterly refute this allegation.

It was my penis.
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My ex-girlfriend said the chance of me making her scream with something only 4 inches long was non-existent. I believe I proved her wrong with my Swiss army knife

15 comments:

  1. Whoa! I did not want to read the end of that baby sitter story!

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  2. lmao these were awesome, the first one was sick and not in a good way. xD

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  3. LOL- Nice.


    theladiets.blogspot.com

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  4. SHEER GENUIS!
    Great blog keep up the great work.

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  5. This is one of my favourite blogs. You have the most inexplicably hilarious jokes.

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  6. Haha best blog ever, the Rich was the best just goes to show women are into money and men are into sex

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  7. Nice. Good work here, made me lol.

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  8. lol..i would so give my girl my CC so she can go nuts

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