Friday, 11 February 2011

11 Febz lulz

After a night out, I dropped the wife off and drove the babysitter home.

As we pulled up outside her house, I turned to thank her and noticed she was struggling to find the door handle.

I stretched across, my arm softly brushing against her breast.

"Oh, sorry about that," I said apologetically.

"That's Ok," she replied, with a certain glint in her eye, "I liked it."

I thought to myself, "Fuck, she's up for it, do I take a chance?"

As I nervously moved forward to kiss her, she slowly closed her eyes and opened her mouth, our tongues met. I slipped my hand up her skirt and before I knew it, we'd had the most mind-blowing sex in the car.

After, I breathlessly said,"Thanks mum, same time next week, yeah?" 
Boy: Hi
Girl: What?
Boy: How are you?
Girl: Do I know you?
Boy: I'm rich
Girl: Hi, I am Emma I'm 20 nice to meet you!
Boy: No no, "Rich" is my name
Girl: Sorry I don't talk to people I don't know.
My wife asked me for some money for a new outfit for a night out with the girls.
"Fuck off, I give you enough money."
"Are you scared I might look nice and run away forever with a fella I might meet?"
"Here's my credit card, go fucking mental."
I got sent out of class today at school.
The teacher yelled at me, "What would your parents say if I called them!?'
I replied, "Hello?"
I've just finished building Rome with my kid's Lego.

Took me a day.
I've been wrongly accused of sexual harassment in the workplace, the complainant stating my 'hand brushed against her buttocks'.

I utterly refute this allegation.

It was my penis.
My ex-girlfriend said the chance of me making her scream with something only 4 inches long was non-existent. I believe I proved her wrong with my Swiss army knife


  1. Whoa! I did not want to read the end of that baby sitter story!

  2. lmao these were awesome, the first one was sick and not in a good way. xD

  3. LOL- Nice.

    Great blog keep up the great work.

  5. Lollllllllllll

    "it was my penis" XD

  6. This is one of my favourite blogs. You have the most inexplicably hilarious jokes.

  7. Haha best blog ever, the Rich was the best just goes to show women are into money and men are into sex

  8. Nice. Good work here, made me lol.

  9. lol..i would so give my girl my CC so she can go nuts