been a busy boy today!
When it comes to sex, there's just one thing I don't get!
I was in prison a while back - I walked in and one of my two cell mates said:
"What are you in for?"
I replied, "Judging by the size of you chaps, I'd say an arse raping."
I have duja ve.
It's the feeling you've been dyslexic before.
Did you know that dolphins are the only animals other than humans to enjoy having sex?
A fair argument in my point of view, but I still got banned from SeaWorld
As my son was going out the door he said, "Dad, give me a condom".
I said, "Er.... Aren't you forgetting something?"
He said, "Oh yeah, your balaclava".
1. There's more than one way to skin a cat.
2. A cat has nine lives.
During an experiment to find out if number 1 is true, I proved that number 2 is false.
A female friend of mine is getting married in the next few months, and has invited me to come dress shopping with them. I can't go though, I've got this thing...
The good news is Justin Bieber has been spotted with a bald head.
The bad news is, its not cancer.
What's white and sticky?
The branch I'm sitting on outside my neighbours window.
Did a physical and mental work out today...
Masturbated without porn.
I got on the bus the other day and said to the driver
"Where to?", he asked.
"Poland, you cunt."