sorry about these being late guys

been a busy boy today!

===
When it comes to sex, there's just one thing I don't get!

Consent.

====

I was in prison a while back - I walked in and one of my two cell mates said:

"What are you in for?"

I replied, "Judging by the size of you chaps, I'd say an arse raping."

=====

I have duja ve.

It's the feeling you've been dyslexic before.

=====

Did you know that dolphins are the only animals other than humans to enjoy having sex?

A fair argument in my point of view, but I still got banned from SeaWorld

=====

As my son was going out the door he said, "Dad, give me a condom".

I said, "Er.... Aren't you forgetting something?"

He said, "Oh yeah, your balaclava".

"Good lad".

=====

1. There's more than one way to skin a cat.

2. A cat has nine lives.

During an experiment to find out if number 1 is true, I proved that number 2 is false.

=====

A female friend of mine is getting married in the next few months, and has invited me to come dress shopping with them. I can't go though, I've got this thing...

A penis.

======

The good news is Justin Bieber has been spotted with a bald head.
The bad news is, its not cancer.

=====

What's white and sticky?

The branch I'm sitting on outside my neighbours window.

====

Did a physical and mental work out today...

Masturbated without porn.

====

I got on the bus the other day and said to the driver
"Return, please."
"Where to?", he asked.
"Poland, you cunt."