...but got totally ultra drunk last nite with some chums, me head feels like there's a flock of geese living in it :-(
Two dinosaurs walked on the beach right up to the waters edge looking at the boat sailing off in the distance.
One said, "Fuck off then Noah you cunt."
My first thought when I woke up today was, 'Thank God I'm not Egyptian.'
Not because of the political unrest over there; I'm just racist!...say what you like about Egypt...
No seriously, they don't have the internet, they won't find out. =========
I've just had a tattoo done on my arse which says, "If you're reading this, we're in prison."
First to smell a fart and last to find out it's raining.
I was telling my gran that I was taking this fit girl camping next week.
She asked, "Are you pitching a tent?"
I said, "Nah, just nursing a semi."
When a person with a bad limp gets drunk, do they walk normal?
Me and my friend were masturbating to some hardcore dinosaur pornography.
Unfortunately, my mothersaurus.
Every new Mcdonalds creates 40 jobs.
20 dentists and 20 heart surgeons
BBC NEWS: "Libraries protest day being held."
"Whadda we want?!"