Wednesday, 23 February 2011

sorry bout missing a day

 not been too well...gonna post these and then do my rounds, got a lot of blogs to catch up on :)
 ====

I was lying next to my new girlfriend and I said, "you're different to all the other girls I've slept with."
She said, "that's because I'm a fella, you twat."

That's what I love about Martin... She's got a great sense of humour.

=======

Sony have announced that they plan to prosecute everyone who's hacked a PS3.

For their next project they're going to piss in the ocean to warm it up.

======

I was fishing with my Italian friend Mario.
"I'm bored," I said. "How can we pass the time?"
"We could have a debate," he replied.
"No thanks," I said, "I've brought sandwiches."

=====

My wife has worked as a magician's assistant for years now. I think she has picked up a few tricks.
I came home from work early today and she was in the bedroom. She said, "Abracadabra!" and my workmate, Dave, came out of the wardrobe, stark naked!
Poor bastard must have wondered what the fuck was going on.

=====

"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?" said my late wife...no seriously, I always remember her last words to me before she passed away, " what the fuck are doing in here with that chainsaw?"

=====

I can't believe how insecure some men are.
I was making a delivery earlier, and when I tried to drop the package off this fella said, "Nah pal, this is pink, I ordered a blue one."

"Sorry mate, but it's not like anyone will be looking at it for too long. We're both adults, does it really matter?" I asked.

He went fucking mental, and insisted I get him a blue one.
I couldn't believe it.

I had to drive all the way back to the children's coffin depot as well.

=========
I'm tired of people calling and joking about stephen Hawking being a computer and only partly human. I, for one, don't believe that at all. To prove that he is a human with emotions, I asked him to send me a poem he made from the heart, he sent me this:

Roses are (hue=394)
violets are (hue=178)
And I wish you----
HTTP service error 404, lost connection.
======

I was way too drunk last night to drive home.

So I drove to another party!!!

20 comments:

  1. I lost it on the Martin one lol

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't get the fishing one?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I thought some of you wouldn't get that one and I intended putting an explanation at the bottom of the post:

    was fishing with my Italian friend Mario.

    (remember He's Italian!!!)

    "I'm bored," I said. "How can we pass the time?"
    "We could have a debate," he replied.
    "No thanks," I said, "I've brought sandwiches."

    He thought his friend had said, 'We could have-a de-bait'

    ReplyDelete
  4. lol where do you find this stuff - brilliant

    ReplyDelete
  5. The Hawking joke gave me a good laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  6. i like the sony one. good stuff

    ReplyDelete
  7. hyuck hyuck chuckle chuckle

    following n supporting like crazY!
    therichesthappiest.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lol the Stephen Hawking joke is great >_<

    ReplyDelete
  9. Steven hawking one the best, the fishing one the worst

    -Zach
    http://www.evanztories.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. they get worse every day :D

    ReplyDelete
  11. greaat jokes :D
    but i dont get the martin one .

    Followed .
    http://ahdiu.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  12. Funny stuff but I took a while to understand the fishing joke.

    - Soccer Moms

    ReplyDelete
  13. The PS3 joke is true. Good luck Sony.

    ReplyDelete
  14. nice stuff lol!

    Followed and will support daily!
    http://all-around-toto.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thanks for all the comments guise!

    Hey Soccer Pundit, I'm following your blog but I can't comment because the captcha won't load properly....just spent 20 mins trying to comment on the Russian chick but the page doesn't display and there's nowhere to type the captcha

    ReplyDelete