back online!!

following a HDD related disaster :(

Here's some gags to add a bit of cheer...

My missus came home tonight and found me in bed with another woman. She said, "Who the fuck is she?"

I replied, "Don't fucking start. It'll be bad enough trying to explain to her who you are."
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My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead. =========
My late wife always told me I could get away with murder.

So far, so good.

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Gaddafi warns of 2nd vietnam if foreign powers intervene in Libyan conflict.

Yay! Full Metal Jacket sequel!

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My wife's a bit like Pinocchio.

Every time she tells me lies, her nose swells up.

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What do America's 300,000 battered women have in common?

They just wouldn't fucking listen.

lotta violent ones here today....lets try some sexy ones instead...

A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex.

Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.

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I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, drop-dead gorgeous!

I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can."

I said, "I think my cock tastes funny..."

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My wife has really begun to enjoy our 'rape fantasies'.....
But if she doesn't spit on the end of that strap-on, I wont be going through with it again.
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On the eve of our anniversary my wife and I agreed that whoever woke up first in the morning should wake the other one with oral sex.

Come the morning I was up first so I slowly pulled back the covers...

... and stuck my cock in her mouth.

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