Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Tuesdays blog

I've been tracing my families history on my computer.

Seems like I'm not the only one who watches porn.


My girlfriend got sick of all the bullying so she finally took a razor to herself to end it all.

It worked - the namecalling stopped since she got rid of the moustache.


I was told today by my doctor I have an enlarged liver.

I said "That's lucky because I drink a lot".


I hate predictive text.

I've just told my nana that I want to cum on her face.

It took me ages to write it, got there in the end though.


I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat'.
You probably saw our posters.


I left my phone at home this morning, I've just nipped home at lunchtime to pick it up and my wife had sent me a text at 9:38am saying:

"Hi hun, you've left your phone in the kitchen"

What the fuck am I still doing with this woman?

I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman...

"Mr Cook?"

"Yes," I replied.

"I'm afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike."

I said, "That's fucking bullshit - my dog doesn't have a bike!"


Teenagers today drink twice as much as they did ten years ago.

To be fair, though, they were only aged between 3 and 9 ten years ago.


Boy asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labelled 'LSD'?"

Granny replies, "Fuck the pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"


  1. Missing Cat is actually a great idea for a band name...

  2. yay!


  3. Hahahahhaha lulzy as usual bro

  4. Just showing my support by stopping by. Great jokes btw.

  5. Missing Cat is a great name actually.

    And the razor joke was very good.