Saturday!! yay!

I got sent out of my biology class today.

When asked 'Can you name a long term effect of obesity?'
I probably shouldn't have said 'Bullying'

=======

My girlfriend is a dirty little minx.
When I cum in her mouth, she likes to gargle with it then let it dribble out of her mouth.

She may be retarded and unable to speak or move, but I'm sure she is enjoying herself.

=======

I failed my driving test again, today. There were a couple of minors.

The examiner said that I was right slowing down by the school, but wolf whistling is a definite no-no.

=======

I accidentally saw my parents having sex last night.

That's the last time I visit that web site.

=======

I was having sex the other day, banging away, when suddenly I stopped mid-thrust and stood really still.

"What are you doing?"

"Something I learnt from online porn. It's called 'buffering'."


=========

I asked my girlfriend what she would like most for her birthday earlier.
She put her hand out and twinkled her fingers to me.

A glove it is then.

========

I tried to watch a youtube video called 'Wheelchair Kid Sings Lady Gaga'

Came up with a message "disabled because of copyright claim."

Bit fucking harsh.

=======

I'm about three years into my relationship now and I've started to have erection difficulties.

My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: She bought me some Viagra;

And I've bought her a treadmill.

=======

I accidentally sent a picture of my cock to everyone in my address book today.

Not only was it really embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps.

========

People always say that two heads are better than one.
Until it's their baby.

========

How come, during the day, the speakers on my computer are too quiet for me to hear them?

But when I sneak down in the middle of the night, go on Porn Hub and set everything to make it nearly silent, the sound of Jenna Haze being fucked in the arse is loud enough to wake the dead?

=======