Sunday, 6 March 2011

Sun 6th March

I'm going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson.

Not quite sure which race yet.


An elephant, an ostrich and a crocodile stop a fella in the street.
The crocodile pulls out a police badge and says, "We have reason to believe you are carrying substances of an hallucinogenic nature, Sir."


I like going bowling; I always make my name '3 Testicles' on the board.

That way the TV occasionaly says "Congratulations 3 Testicles! You got a spare."

The wife was having a go at me. "Life's just one big joke to you isn't it".

"I don't know what you mean. Sit down darling and let's talk about it".

That's when I pulled her chair away.


"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" quickly became a feminist anthem for women.

Probably because it's really upbeat and fun to do the vacuuming to.


My girlfriend is a feminist.

Which basically means she finds sexist jokes utterly abhorrent until one is made about men.


Just had a water fight over in the park with a bunch of local kids.

I won!

No one's a match for me and my kettle.


My ex-girlfriend could not take criticism.

At least, that was the basic theme of her suicide note.


I said to my girlfriend, "Now remember, my mother is very old, so speak nice and slow and very loud."

Then I said to my perfectly capable mother, "By the way, my girlfriend is slightly retarded."

What fun that was...


  1. I like the "life is just one big joke to you isnt it" one.

  2. Poor retarded girlfriend. Hehehe...

  3. I'm with Chris, you can't beat ,"Life's just one big joke to you isn't it" LOL!!!

  4. LOl...yeah life is one big joke

  5. These are always so great, I don't know how you do it!